As part of Mediation Week, we sat down with Judith Meil, Director of Family Law at Burnett & Reid, to answer some of the most common questions people have about family mediation.
With over 40 years’ experience as a family lawyer and more than 30 years as a trained family mediator, Judith brings deep insight into Scottish family law, mediation, and alternative dispute resolution. She is also a founding member of CALM Scotland, the national body for family mediation.
Below, Judith explains what mediation is, how it works, and when it may be the right option for families in Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire, and across Scotland.
Who is Judith Meil?
I’m Judith Meil, Director of Family Law at Burnett & Reid. I’ve been practising family law for around 40 years and continue to work daily across all aspects of family and child law.
I trained as a family mediator over 30 years ago and am a founding member of CALM Scotland, which was established in 1993 by a group of Scottish family lawyers who wanted to create a constructive alternative to court when relationships break down. Mediation in Scotland continues to grow, supported by ongoing professional training and development.
Throughout my career, I’ve worked as a litigator, a collaborator, and a mediator. While court is sometimes necessary, I strongly believe in the benefits of alternative dispute resolution, particularly mediation, for many families.
What is family mediation?
Relationship breakdown is sadly a reality for many couples, and separation or divorce can be an emotionally charged and overwhelming time.
Family mediation is a voluntary, collaborative process where couples work with an independent mediator to discuss and resolve issues arising from separation. The mediator facilitates conversations that couples often find too difficult to have on their own, particularly where trust has broken down.
Mediation provides a safe, neutral environment where difficult but important issues can be discussed openly. The focus is on helping people move forward, draw a line under past conflict, and plan for separate futures in a constructive way.
What is the aim of mediation?
The aim of mediation is to help couples work through the issues they are in conflict about and, where possible, reach agreement.
Through guided discussions, the mediator helps the parties explore solutions relating to:
- Childcare and parenting arrangements
- Financial matters
- Property and assets
- Any other issues relevant to their situation
If agreement is reached, the mediator prepares a mediation summary, which can then be used by solicitors to draft a Minute of Agreement or Separation Agreement.
What does a family mediator do?
A family mediator acts as a neutral and impartial third party. They do not take sides or make decisions for the couple.
Most family mediators in Scotland are qualified family law specialists or have a strong background in family law. This means they can provide legal information and structure discussions effectively, while remaining non-judgemental and independent.
What is the difference between a mediator and a solicitor?
The role of a mediator is very different from that of a solicitor or a sheriff.
A mediator:
- Is neutral and does not act for either party
- Provides legal information, but not individual legal advice
- Facilitates discussion rather than advocating a position
Each party is still encouraged to take independent legal advice alongside mediation, particularly before finalising any agreement.
What are the benefits of mediation?
One of the key benefits of mediation is that it enables people to have difficult conversations face to face, in a supported environment.
Rather than communicating through solicitors’ letters, which can increase tension and misunderstanding, mediation allows both parties to:
- Be heard directly
- Understand each other’s perspectives
- Communicate in real time
- Reduce conflict and distress
This often leads to more constructive outcomes and a better foundation for future communication.
How can mediation help when children are involved?
When children are involved, mediation can be particularly valuable.
Even after separation or divorce, parents of course remain their children’s parents for life. Preserving communication is therefore crucial and very much in the best interests of the children.
Mediation supports calmer, more respectful communication between parents and helps them focus on practical arrangements that support their children’s wellbeing, now and in the future.
Is mediation confidential?
Yes, mediation is a confidential process. Confidentiality is essential to encourage open, honest discussion and effective problem-solving.
There is no minute-by-minute record of sessions. Instead, a general summary is prepared if agreement is reached.
The main exception relates to financial information, which is not confidential and may be used in court proceedings if mediation does not result in agreement. Importantly, mediators cannot be called as witnesses in court.
How is mediation different from going to court?
Mediation and court are very different processes.
In mediation:
- The parties remain in control of discussions and outcomes
- Decisions are made by the people involved, not imposed by a third party
- The process is flexible and collaborative
By contrast, court proceedings involve:
- Each party instructing their own solicitor
- Formal court actions such as divorce, financial provision, or child residence and contact
- Attendance at hearings and potentially a civil trial
- A judge ultimately making decisions if agreement cannot be reached
Court cases can be time-consuming, expensive, and emotionally demanding, often taking many months due to court timetables.
What are the costs of mediation?
Mediation fees are usually charged on an hourly basis, with costs explained clearly at the outset.
Typically:
- Initial individual meetings are billed separately to each party
- Joint mediation sessions are usually split equally, unless the couple agrees otherwise
In many cases, mediation is significantly more cost-effective than litigation.
Could mediation be right for you?
Mediation is not suitable for every situation, but for many families it offers a calmer, more constructive way to resolve issues arising from separation.
If you are based in Aberdeen or Aberdeenshire and would like to explore whether family mediation could help you, our experienced team is here to support you.
At Burnett & Reid, we help individuals and families understand their options, move forward with clarity, and reach practical solutions wherever possible.
To find out more about family mediation in Scotland, or to speak to our team, please get in touch with Burnett & Reid today.